"Homeschooling and reality TV do not mix."
- Total Drama Island
"You shouldn't share breastmilk with strangers."
- Nicole
"That was like watching two hamsters discuss geography."
- Speed Racer: The Next Generation
"Ha! He won't see my strangeness coming!"
- Speed Racer: The Next Generation
"And you wonder why most aliens will only speak with your livestock."
- Ben 10: Alien Force
"There's an after school special waiting to happen."
- Megan
"Take this blog, for example. I could afford to pay an editor to correct all of my writing before all of you nitpickers notice that I can’t spell common words. Or I could save that money via a process that I call 'not giving a shit.' Ka-ching!"
- Scott Adams from his blog
"Who needs comforter jerky?"
- Julie after watching an infomercial on airtight storage
"A cruise line, and especially since the price has been so decreased, is basically a floating nursing home."
-a nurse discussing her job working for Caribbean Cruises
"the DMV can kiss my butt!
6 points of id - that is unless you are a married female without any other picture ids
Bite me DMV - BITE ME!"
- an instant message from Bacon-kun after she returned from the DMV
"Be brave and remember--sticks and stones may break bones but names have a nasty way of appearing on Technorati and Google searches forever."
- Francesco Marciuliano (of DrinkatWork.com and writer for Sally Forth)
"They say idle hands are the devil's playground, so I usually keep a PS2
controller in mine. I figure if the sneaky bastard is going to be playing
anyway, the least he can do is help me level."
- Evilminion
"You're not famous until you're a Pez dispenser."
- Carrie Fisher
"I guess now that Hakudoushi's gone, Naraku gets to wear the bastard pants in the family again. Well, considering that Kagura is against him and Kanna is MIA, he's pretty much the only one left who CAN, considering Mouryoumaru doesn't even WEAR pants."
- Patches from Inu-Goya
"When you think about it, Cel Collectors wouldn't make good super heroes....we wouldn't have bus fare half the time, we'd get there eventually...."
- Bacon-kun
"You've never seen anime insanity until you've met a cel collector."
- yours truly Yes I quote myself! You got a problem with that???
"I have an awful feeling that one of the network cards on the box may be butter toast."
- noisywalrus, Admin of the Rubberslug Forums
"Countless readers have emailed me to tell me that being named after a deceased sibling isn't creepy and it's been the case for numerous people in history. Know what else has happened repeatedly in history? Female genital mutilation. I think that's fucking bizarre and unnecessary, too."
- Randy Milholland, Something Positive
"I honestly was going to get around to it, but I kinda got distracted by all the not caring I had to do."
- Randy Milholland, Something Positive
"
"Dimwits need friends, too."
- Bacon-kun
"Cel collecting. You can have it all. Except money."
- Unknown
"Wal-Mart is the breeding ground for stupid people."
- Christi Biddy
"Not all people are bad. Some people are dead."
Unknown
"You should never argue with a moron. They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
Unknown
"Every time you make something idiot proof, someone will invent a better idiot."
Unknown
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming like the passengers in his car."
Unknown
"Time travel...a cornucopia of disturbances."
- character from Kim Possible
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
- Charles Schulz, Charlie Brown in Peanuts
"It isn't wise to be rude to one's mother. She knows everything about your childhood that is potentially embarrassing."
- Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey, Elvenborn
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."
- Ellen Parr
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than it is to have them and not deserve them."
- Mark Twain
"I think commas are a tool of oppression."
- Mike Krahulik
"In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear."
- John C. Dvorak
"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
- Doug Larson
"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
- Woody Allen
"Unauthorized use of Ctrl+Alt+Del materials, characters, images, sounds, odors, severed limbs, noodles, weird dreams, strange looking fruit, oxygen, and certain parts of Jupiter are strictly forbidden. If I find you violating, or molesting my property in any way, I will employ a pair of burly convicts to find you, kidnap you, and perform god-awful sexual experiments on you until you lose the ability to sound out vowels. I don't know why you are still reading this, but by doing so you have proven that you have far too much time
on your hands, and you should go plant a tree, or read a book or something. But make sure to vote for me on your way out."
- Tim Buckley
"Investigative journalism is easy. Anyone can do it. Everyone should do it. I want to see the day where all such mongers of disinformation are run out on a rail by an angry mob of Google users, Mississippi style. I want to see regular people like you and me brown-trousering the naughty 24/7, the avatars of deceit fleeing from a populace armed with the pitchforks of public record and the torches of FOIA, muttering "rhubarb, rhubarb," as they usher in a new planet Earth. I'm all tingly just thinking about it."
- Matt Boyd
"A dog thinks: Hey these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...They must be gods!
A Chow thinks: Hey these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...I must be god!"
- a web site explaining the difference between Chows and other dog breeds
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
- Lucille S. Harper
"Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!"
- Tommy Smothers
"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."
- Mr. Garrison, South Park
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"
- Scott Adams
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
- Mark Twain
"Eating is necessary."
- Schlotzsky's billboard
"A good friend will help you move. A great friend will help you move a body."
- Jarrett Stampes (who else?)
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun!'"
- Jarrett Stampes
"There was no second thing. Only a first thing and a third thing."
- Mario Panighetti, Zelda Comic
"I like what you've done with your hair. You've brought out the color that wasn't there before."
- a friend upon seeing my hair dyed red
"Early to rise, early to bed, makes one wise, but socially dead."
- Animaniacs
"People who live in glass houses should dress with the lights off."
- Animaniacs
"I spent a lot of my life being miserable. Then one day I thought, I'm here for the day, I can enjoy the day or not. I decided I might as well enjoy it."
- Sean Connery, talking to Michael Crichton; recorded in Michael Crichton's Travels
"I AM the burning bush."
- Bryan Stevens, full of himself as always
"Go calculus someplace else."
- Bryan Stevens, upon tiring of tutoring
"I love being a hypocrite."
- Bryan Stevens
"Oh well. Tis better to be loved and confused than not to be loved and still be confused."
- Chris Mixter
"Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much; such men are dangerous."
- Willaim Shakespeare, Julius Caesar
"I hate quotations."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
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